Dreams

"Our greatest fear should not be
of failure, but of succeeding at
things in life that don't really matter."
D.L. Moody

"Use me, God. Show me how to take who I am,
 who I want to be, and what I can do, and use it for a
purpose greater than myself."
Martin Luther King Jr.

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What does one do with this so called "life" thing? It really is the age old question, isn't it? If we've lived on this earth long enough, eventually we ask ourselves,  "What's the point of all this? What am I doing? Where am I going?" And most importantly, "Am I making a difference?"

Today was a great day! You know, one of those days where you want to stand tall and proud on a mountain top (not too far from people) and scream at the top of your lungs the crazy awesome thing that has just happened to you. Then, as you wrap up your loud dissertation you look around with a satisfied smile only to catch a glimpse of everyone looking back at you with blank "I don't get it" stares. Then you think,"They don't get it. They don't get it at all." But in your heart you know God is about to do something SUPER big and SUPER amazing. Ya, it was one of those kind of days.

I have wanted to write for, well, as long as I can remember. Not just write, but be a writer (whatever that means). I guess I just wanted to do something big with the dream of writing that God has given me. I went to college to write. I would edit papers for fun, and even wrote a few papers on the down low for my highly unmotivated boyfriend. When I wasn't writing for the school newspaper, I tutored other college students in the writing lab to help pay for college. Graduation was, as much as I hate to admit it, sixteen years ago. That slacker boyfriend is now my amazing husband, and my dream and passion for writing continues to hang on like a two-year-old on the Wicked Twister roller coaster.

As a busy mom and wife, I put writing on a shelf before my degree had even cooled from the printer. Marriage, family, work, and moving took precedence over any silly dreams I had as a youth. I think most moms would agree that our dreams get pushed further and further back on the shelf while we help to make the dreams of those we love come true. At least I did. In fact, I kind of forgot which shelf writing was even on. Until...

A month ago we received an amazing gift, a brand new computer. My first thought? God, is it time? Can I pick up writing again? The answer came a few days later. I was scrolling through Facebook and an ad for a Christian writer's conference caught my eye. My first thought? Yes! I have to go to that! My second thought - There's no way you can afford that. Just keep scrollin'.

I couldn't stop thinking about it. In a moment of weakness I showed my amazingly supportive husband the ad exclaiming, "I know it's probably not possible, but I REALLY want to go to this conference." To which he replied, "Let's do what we can to make it happen." On the outside I feel that I remained fairly composed as my jaw hit the floor and I rather enthusiastically puked out, "Really!?!? Are you serious? Just like that? I can go?" But on the inside....well, the inside made the outside look mild. I was freaking out. I had felt the Lord quietly calling me to get back into writing, but I was frustrated because I prayed for a story line to write a book and received absolutely no answer for over two years. But when I saw this ad, and probed into more about the conference itself, I discovered there were many forms of writing workshops available - from devotions to children's books, and even Bible studies. I then thanked the Lord for not giving me a story line because I realized it was highly probable that He may be calling me into a different genre. An excitement began to well up inside that I hadn't felt in, well, EVER!

Here comes the best part of this whole story...

We don't make a ton of money; that's no secret. But if you've hung around God long enough you realize His economy will stop at nothing when it comes to seeing His will through to the end. 

I went walking one night with a friend from high school. I was telling her all about this awesome opportunity. I must have been very excited and demonstrative when I was telling her about it because pretty soon she was getting excited too. Before I knew it she was asking me questions and laughing and smiling almost as much as me. As we lapped around the track for what seemed like the 110th time I remember thinking She doesn't even like writing, and she is this excited about me going? What an amazing friend!

A week later I met up with another friend who lives a couple hours away. She and I sat in my hotel lobby talking for what seemed like minutes, but, in reality was five hours (If you don't have a friend you can do this with please pray for one - they are a true gift from God). During our conversation, of course I told her about the writer's conference. I started out at a normal decibel and soon had some self awareness that I may be getting just a little loud and out of hand vocally (I've had this problem since I was a child). Just about the time I was doing some serious inner talk about quieting down, my friend pulls $100 from her purse and tells me that I need to use that money to pay for the conference registration. What she didn't know is that I had tried to register twice before, but honestly, I didn't have the money to pay for it.

Of course I started bawling. As the hotel front desk clerk brought us a box of tissues and two bottles of water I listened to my friend tell me, "Amy, the Lord is going to make a way for you to go to the conference, and you aren't going to have to pay for a thing. He is going to pay for it all. He loves you so much that He is going to lavish this conference on you, his daughter, as your 40th birthday present (I forgot to mention I'm turning 40 during the conference - IKR!?!). I was skeptical, but something about what she said resonated with my spirit. Was this true? Was this dream going to become a reality - and at no cost to me?

And that's why today was such a great day. It was true! I was awarded a partial scholarship through the writer's conference for the majority of the tuition. The remainder of my balance is $535, but I don't have to pay that either. Turns out the Lord spoke to my friend from high school the night we walked all those laps around the track at the gym. He told her to write me and check for $600 before I was told the Lord was going to bless me with it. Later, I found out my transportation is paid for as well.

Only a sovereign Lord outside of time and space who knows all can work in this way. Just sayin...

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So what does this story have to do with your purpose in life and your dreams? Dreams. We all have them. A dream is God's gift placed in us to fulfill His plan. "For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases Him" Philippians 2:13.

I suppose my story may nag at the inner recesses of dreams tucked deep in your heart. It may even inspire you to reach into those soul caverns for that stale, old dream. Once you see it again it may not look the same. You may not recognize it. In fact, you may have to wipe off the dust, hold it up to The Light, and turn it a few times in order to look at it from all angles. Once you catch a glimpse of its worn, familiar beauty you can smile a satisfied smile as you draw it in close to you and breathe new life into it and upon it.

But don't just drag out that dream to drag it out. Remember, the dream is God's gift placed in your heart to fulfill His plan. That's where so many of us go wayward. We think it's our dream, when in fact, the dream is a gift God has given us, and what we do with it is our gift back to Him. We will even be accountable for what we do or don't do with the dream. "And if our hope in Christ is only for this life, we are more to be pitied than anyone in the world" 1 Corinthians 13:3.

Whatever we do, we do it to the glory of God. So don't make your dreams about you. Use them to reach out, blessing others and bring them closer to their Savior and friend, Jesus. "Don't just look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others too." Philippians 13:1-2. Our job is to love people, and I'm pretty sure we were commanded to do that because it's got to be one of the hardest things to do at times. "Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith Be courageous. Be strong. And do everything with love" 1 Corinthians 16:13-14.

What inspired this blog was D.L. Moody's quote: "Our greatest fear should not be of failure, but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter." I observe a lot of people fearing failure all the time - I am the chief of them. But to fear missing the mark on what really matters? I had never thought about it. But when I saw this quote it evoked something deep in my spirit as my mind raced with people I know who are striving to achieve their dreams amiss. Their entire lives revolve around spending money they don't have to impress people they don't know. This isn't what Jesus gave us dreams for. It's a perversion of God's best for our lives.

What if we're guilty of  dream perversion but want things to be different? As I ruminated on that, I came across Martin Luther King Jr.'s quote: "Use me, God. Show me how to take who I am, who I want to be, and what I can do, and use it for a purpose greater than myself." What if that was our heart's cry? It would change everything. It would answer all our questions about this so called "life" thing. Telling us that life isn't really life at all if we aren't walking in the exhilarating excitement and adventure of what it means to be a Christ follower. I have never experienced so many surprises, blessings, gifts, encouragement, and awe as I have since I became a believer. Nothing is predictable, and every day is an unknown adventure that could take a turn at a moment's notice. The result is as much fulfillment as we can reach in our humanity this side of Heaven.   

This also answers the question, "What's the point of all this? What am I doing? Sadly, there is no point, and we aren't doing much if we're not doing it with the intent of giving God the glory instead of ourselves. Remember, what we do with our dreams is our gift back to Him. "As for the rich in this present age, teach them not to to be proud and not to trust their money, which is so unreliable. Their trust should be in God, who richly gives us all we need for our enjoyment. Tell them to use their money to do good. They should be rich in good works and generous to those in need, always being ready to share with others. By doing this they will be storing up their treasure as a good foundation for the future so that they may experience true life" 1 Timothy 6:17-19. "Don't store up treasures here on earth where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in Heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will be also. Matthew 6:19-21.

 Am I making a difference here? I don't know, are you?

This might be a great time to reflect and ask God to help us realign our dreams with His Kingdom. It may be the fresh start we need to make a change in the lives of others simply by doing what we were made to do and what gives us joy, energy, and passion. Nothing feels better than doing what we were created to do, and doing it well. It makes us feel like we are invincible - flying above everything in the valley below that can ensnare us and drag us down.

So GO! Go live out your dreams. This life isn't a dress rehearsal. It's our one shot to love others and do all that we were created to do knowing that when we do it with Jesus the rewards last for eternity.

As for me? I'm planning to escape an unwelcome surprise 40th birthday party by immersing myself in this writer's conference - a dream I've had since I was a girl. I plan on basking in the warm California sun as I position myself to hear from the Lord - what he wants me to do with this dream, who He would have me to meet, and what people groups He would have me to reach with my writing. I can hardly wait to see what lies around the next corner of adventure (I will keep you posted).