So This is Middle Age...

 Happy 45th Birthday!

Here it is -- I think they call it "mid-life". And today I sit on its throne -- or maybe I should say "thrown" -- because that's a skosh what it feels like.

Thrown from an able-bodied, youthful mom with a waist to a greying crowned woman who's suddenly called ma'am.

Tossed into the ring of teenage sons whose view of me has sadly metamorphized from their perfect future wife to personal chef and Uber driver.

Launched into a selfless abyss -- the never ending pit of giving and grocery shopping and encouraging and supporting and cooking...and cooking. All while sacrificing the dreams of my youth on the altar of making the dreams of others come true.

Middle-age has flung me smack-dab into the middle of a sandwich -- caught in a place of finishing raising kids while entering the new and unfamiliar territory of caring for parents. 

Speaking of sandwiches. What's with all this weight gain?? I mean, they told me it was coming, but I had no idea I'd be five months pregnant again. Just smelling food causes my clothes to shrink. And there's hardly a need to discuss long chin hairs that grow back at warped speed on skin that's seemingly lost all elasticity.

Mid-life is a peculiar space to dwell.

Will my husband recognize me in a few years when the kids are gone and very little remains of me from our younger years??

The sun is setting on youthful days filled with pain-free adventure. While in the east rises a new dawn that despises the aches and pains, but more deeply appreciates and enjoys the slower journey -- not knowing if it may be the last of its kind. 

Soul-feeding, quality relationships have risen to the top of my life like gold atop the dross of drama and superficial acquaintances of the past. Meaningless conversation, wasted time, and bad decisions swirl amongst the deepest recesses of the dross. Forgiven. While the latter forties stare me down, Charles Studd's quote, "Only one life. 'Twill soon be past. Only what's done for Christ will last" becomes more real than ever. 

And isn't that what it's all about?

The Bible warns us the exterior will wither away, life will be hard, and circumstances will change. But He also says we get more wise and more beautiful on the inside as we grow closer to meeting Him.

Those children my not understand or fully appreciate. That husband and me may have to get reacquainted. Those parents may pass into glory. That body is slowly perishing. 

And that's ok. That's middle life. 

I suppose, like everything, it's what we do with it. Did we model for those kids what it meant to live a life surrendered to Jesus? Did we glorify Him in our marriage and faithfulness to one another? Did we love and honor our parents until the end?

It's not how we start...it's how we finish!

" Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore, I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize." 1 Corinthians 9: 24-27